As you can imagine, when you lose a child, you experience a barrage of feelings and ask yourself what you could have done to prevent their passing.
When we lost our 17-year-old daughter Katie, both my husband and I repeatedly asked What if questions. What if I hadn’t let Katie go out that night? What if my husband had taken her car to gas it up and wash that night? What if, what if, what if….
Mindset and Perspective in the Face of Adversity
The problem with what if is that it focuses on the past where we have no control. Unfortunately, there is no answer to this question because no one has the power to undo the past.
Where we do have power is in the present and the future. When I started asking the question what now? I felt like I had some control over a situation where I felt very powerless.
When I asked, what now? it gave me a place to think about what was important to me and how I wanted to honour my daughter. I knew that I didn’t want Katie remembered as the girl who died in the car accident, and I was determined to make sure she was remembered for kind-hearted, spitfire that she was in her short life.
My what now? turned into projects like creating three scholarships and awards, collaborating with the city to erect better lighting where Katie died to help prevent other accidents. We helped create a memory garden at her high school and have done dozens of acts of kindness in her memory.
Feel Empowered
When life punches us in the gut it’s easy to feel powerless and victimized, but we need to make a choice at some point. We can stay stuck asking questions like what if or we can look to the future, move forward, and feel empowered with the question what now.
If you are not sure what your answer is, I encourage you to sit with your struggles and ask what would make your heart feel content. Is there something you could do to support others who are facing the same kind of adversity as you?
Your power comes from taking your pain and turning it into purpose.
I encourage you to tune into Episode 2 “A powerful question to ask yourself” where I dive deeper into this topic.
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